Bratislava, June 2014
It's New Years Eve, few seconds to midnight. I am outside the venue, looking for my boyfriend and his friends who are late. I cannot manage to recognize him in the frenzy of the frosty crowd elegantly dressed in black cashmere coats. The countdown is one second to midnight. Suddenly, someone taps on my shoulder. My anxiety deserts me. It must be him! I close my eyes, turn around, take his neck wrapped in a scarf into my hands and passionately kiss him while everybody joyfully screams: "Happy New Year!"
As I step back to wish Jimmy all the best with my heart racing from his hot kiss, I can hear him call my name from my back. I open my eyes and realise I just tongue kissed my colleagues, as straight as they come, boyfriend. I scream:
"Darren! What the fuck, why didn't you stop me?"
"Oh, please, you were so passionate! Happy New Year Ruben!"
"Happy New Year! I am so sorry, I thought you were Jimmy!"
He just laughed as Jimmy reached my shoulder and Karen reached Darren's. We all kissed and cheered, celebrating the arrival of a new beggining.
I then admitted on mistakingly kissind Darren. It made Karen laugh with amusement but I could only see Jimmy throb his jaw and hardly contain his anger. We entered the club with a cold silence between us while Karen couldn't stop making fun of me. Inside, Jimmy dissapeared for a few minutes every now and then.
I wanted so badly to work things out between us. We just moved in together. I admired his ambitions and hard work so very much. On the other hand, I felt like the fashion leader in the couple. He was practically stealing out my wardrobe and I had to buy smaller clothes for him as he was much skinnier than me.
As I was lamentating myself over this in my corner, my drama queen colleague, Gianni, showed up with the most beautiful male model I have ever seen in my life! Trendily bleached mohawk haircut with heavy black eyebrows and amber brown eyes with a hint of melancholy. A powerfully charcterial nose presided his face above full deep purple lips that gave way to a set of perfectly straight white teeth in an apologetic smile. As he shook my hand all the sadness left his face for a lightning of childish happiness and joy. Gianni introduced us:
"Ruben, please, meet Armand, he is new in town, he was sent here by his agency from Paris."
"Pleasure to meet you Armand!"
"Pleased!"
Gianni popped to the bar to get a drink for his new found beauty. I sat with Armand on a bench by the dance floor where Karen was dirty dancing with Darren. I was overwhelmed by Armand's appearance. His youth. His deep minded charms. He slowly turned his head towards me in response to my undecent gaze. He shone his teeth at my eyes.
"You don't remeber me, do you?"
"What do you mean? We just met, I guess, I couldn't forget a face like yours. Am I mistaken?"
"Well, I'm talking five years ago... Paris...Le Maxime's... You were as handsome as ever." at this point, I could actually see a nervous gulp in his throat, "I was a sixteen years old skinny twink. Face full of pimples. My teeth running in all the directions. Messy black hair. Dressed up like the boy from a little provncial town I was. I was there, following my crush Sébastien. He was so fond of you and your model friends. He was looking up to you so much.I was so terribly jealous of you. I craved being you. I dreamt Sébastein would look up to me as he did to you."
It all came back at me in a flash. Sébastien was this fashionnable teenage little rich boy that follwed us to all the parties with pretty boys. Us was me and my friends, all twenty to twentyfive, tall and pretending that the Universe of Paris parties belonged to us. Hoping we could be aristocracy of the young and beautiful. They used to call us 'The Model Boys'... we were not! We were handsome wannabes, somehow tolerated by the fashion universe. I already worked in retail and my friends worked in design and graphics. I never ever see them since I stopped going out in Paris and eventually fled Paris for good.
I can remeber Sébastien bringing in this boy every now and then. He would follow him like a puppy, looking so unpretty, dressed up like someone from another world, always nervously laughing and talking about some gay pop icons that I couldn't stand. I always wondered how he could manage to get laid. Now, with his new look, pampered face and a worked out body I would be the first in line to lay at his feet and beg him for a kiss.
"So, how did you turn into this male model perfection?"
"Well, I read this short story by Loic Prigent in one of Sébastien's Vogue. It was about this girl becoming a model. She broke her nose accidentaly and became the next best thing. So, I broke my nose at school. My parents wanted to send me for a reparative surgery but I just asked for braces and a treatment for my terrible skin. I started working out. And voilà, two years later I started turning heads. Bloggers took my pictures at parties. Sébastien presented me to some agents. I got a contract. I became an actual model. I became you!"
"Me? Armand, you look fabulous. You are so much better off being just yourself!"
He looked at me with deep disappointment.
"You really are a prick! You don't get it, do you? I did all of this for you. I was so impatient to meet up with you, for five years. It was building up in me. When I found out you were in London and then Gianni talked about you. I had to come here tonight. I had to show you.I did this for you, for Sébastien. This is all just to please you. To be admitted among yours. To show you I am worthy. I need your recognition, I deserve it!"
"Armand, I couldn't know what to say. This is all so much. I mean you are so terribly, painfully, actually, beautiful and charming...I..."
At that very momet Gianni came back with Jimmy and I stopped talking completely mindblown by what I just heard. Armand downed his drink in few seconds and dragged Gianni back to the bar for another one. I had to pathetically apologise to Jimmy again for kissing Karen's boyfriend Darren.
We agreed he would stop breaking my nuts if I brought him another drink.
As I walked to the bar I crossed path and looks with this american footballer stud, super self confident, colgate smile, greek scultpture pretentious stud. Taller than me, and I'm already six feet four. I hoped I would see Armand at the bar, but he and Gianni were nowhere to be found. That story was so disturbing I lost focus of everything. As I was walking back to Jimmy one of my feet slipped. I was going in for a major fall if it wasn't for mister hunky promptly grabbing me under my arms and standing me back up without spilling any drinks. I felt under control like in a scenic dance, completely relying on your partner. Anxiously emotional and confidently secure at the same time.
"Wow! Good catch!"
"I would say so, mate!" He gave me a thumbs up with a confident, yet humble smile, his eyes almost completely closed and two sets of dimples appearing on his cheeks. Is this hot guy inc. party or what?
"Well, thank you for that, anyway! I guess I owe you one!"
"No worries, it's all good."
I gave him my drink, he wanted to chin my glass but I had to say:
"Oh, no that's not mine, it's my boyfriends Sapphire Bombay gin tonic."
"Oh, sure" his smile froze but his deep green eyes opened big and the corners of his lips eventually fell down in deception.
"I'd better be walking back, now."
"Sure, no problem. Happy New Year blondie!"
"Happy New Year Mister Hunky Man!"
The last made him laugh in a deep ringing voice. I walked away a bit shaky and very puzzled. Jimmy never turned me on this much. As I was approaching the bench I saw him stand up, look at me hatefully, turn his head in disapproval and walk away fast. First I froze in place, not understanding what just happened. I stood there, alone with a gin tonic in my hand thinking about my next move. Since we started living together we would always fight about bullshit, but the worst thing was Jimmy's raging jealousy. The worst thing, because except that kiss with Darren , I never even thought of cheating on him in a year and a half. But that wouldn't do. He was jealous of every one. My friends, family, coworkers, Hunky guy catching me in the middle of the dancefloor. I downed the drink and went running after him. He was already outside with his coat. I was only wearing a T-shirt in a freaking cold early morning of the first of January.
"What the hell, Jimmy?" it was the last downed drink that gave my angry mood free speech.
"What the hell Jimmy? What the hell Ruben, I would say. That's a good one. Did you see yourself tonight? First you kiss Darren for cake sake, than you hit on an underage frenchie model and then all the little princess theater with the guy on the dancefloor. Just in front of my eyes? How am I supposed to feel? Huh, did you think about that? You are so selfish. Everybody will think I'm somekind of a desperate housewife of yours while you go and flirt with the entire club. Happy New Year, slut!"
"Excuse me? First of all, calm the freak down. Like, seriously, you would have been here on time, Darren would never happen, it was a mistake, I expected you..."
"How could you have mistaken us? Did you see him?"
"As a matter of fact, I haven't, I was expecting you and I closed my eyes before I turned around. It was a stupid mistake, I am really sorry!"
"So you basically could have kissed just about anyone who would have tapped your shoulder! That is just fantastic!"
"I'm sorry Jimmy, I didn't mean to. You know I only want you!"
"Well, you'd better, because I can't stand cheaters!"
"Jimmy, I would really never, never, cheat on you!"
"Oh, really? And what about that frenchie and the fireman? And what have you been doing while I was going out. I had time to take my coat and you're here in a T-shirt like a little victim!"
"Jimmy, I know Armand since he was sixteen, I just didn't recognise him. We were just catching up. He's a baby, he has no interest for me!" at this point I realised Gianni and Armand just appeared in the corner of my eye, joining into the crowd turning their heads and ears towards us. I could hear Armand laugh angrily and run away with Gianni running after him.
"Well, you definetly mean something to him!"
"For cock sake Jimmy, it's a long story, but there is absolutely nothing sexual!I swear! Please, forgive me. And that guy on the dancefloor just saved me from falling on my face so I gave him my drink. It was just a thank you. Please, Jimmy, don't be mad at me. Please, don't leave me behind!" at that point all my anger turned into fear of being left behind, of making him angry to the point where he would give up on me after a year and a half of relationship. I thought my completely natural behaviour gave him actual reasons to be rightfully angry at me. I felt that I have made a mistake and asked him for forgiveness.
"Please Jimmy, don't leave without me!"
"Well, hurry up, we're going to Karen's, she's expecting us."
"I'll be right back!"
I immeditely ran in to get my coat, fully anxious about my love life falling apart. As I put my coat on and turned around to leave, I bumped into Mr Hunkyman's chest.
"So sorry!"
"You again?"
"Yeah, not the nicest guy in the world, I know, keep on falling around you." And off I went to join Jimmy.
"And mostly running away from me!"
"It's not you, it's me!" I yelled as I was hastily walking away, already seeing Jimmy observing me and fearing another scene. He just looked at me and started off to Karen's that was just across the bridge from the club.
He wouldn't talk to me at all the way. Longest ten minutes ever! As we got in, he ran off to the bathroom. When I got into the living room to get another drink, the party was very much in the full. I saw a colleague of his heading towards the bathroom. I used to be jealous of that one as Jimmy talked about him all the time, but then he told me the guy was straight, so I was like, whatever, let them talk shit about me.
I got a drink and tried to talk to people but I was too angry. Jimmy and his colleague were gone for almost a half an hour when I needed to go to the bathroom. To my surprise the bathroom door was open. To my bigger surprise Jimmy and his colleague were mmaking out in the corridor next to the bathroom.
"Is this your way of taking rvenge? Hitting on your straight colleague? Please, let off of him, I swear I didn't cheat on you!"
"I never said he was straight!"
"Yes you did, cause I was jealous like fuck and you said: 'you don't have to worry...he's straight'"
"I don't remember saying that!"
"Do you top him or bottom?"
"I, we haven't, what the fuck is the question?"
"How long have you been cheating on me?"
"I haven't, I'm not, it's just..."
"How? Long?"
"For the past four moths! Happy?"
"I'm actually sick!" as I said that, I threw up in their direction. They started screaming in disgust, insult me, no apoligies, just more insults. I would normally kneel and clean, but they didn't deserve me to be even polite.
"You're a piece of shit Jimmy, by the end of tomorrow, you're gone from my flat or I just throw all your things out of the window!"
"You're not serious, where should I go?"
"You should have thought of that when you decided to screw someone else!"
"He actaully screws me, I'm the bottom."
"I thought you were only top!"
"Well, you suck at being a top, so I don't want to bottom for you!"
"You piece of turd, you are so bad at blow jobs that you actually make me last longer, and I'm premature..."
I ran out of the appartment and tried to run down the stairs, totally angry and completely drunk. After on flight of stairs my ankle gave in and I ended up rolling down the second flight and down to Mr Hunky's feet.
He grabbed me and carried me to an appartment that was just one floor down from Karen's. He put me into a bed while I was silently sobbing. He took my shoes off and examined me.
"I'm not abusing you, I'm actually a nurse, I'm trying to see if you hurt yourself!"
"You actually can abuse me, I'm single again!"
"I'm gonna pass, maybe in a few moths, but right now you need to heal in so many ways!"
He brought me water and a pill, turned off the light and let me sleep while he want back to the party.
I must have slept heavily as I woke up on someone's chest. Still drunk from the day before, I just hugged the body I assumed Jimmy's, although I could quickly feel the muscle mass more important than usual. I looked up and saw the sculptural perfection of Armand's face looking sadly down at me. I woke up, in all possible ways. Remembered where and why I was.
"How did you get here?"
"Gianni hooked up with Mr Muscle and I came along, he told me you broke up with your boyfriend, so I wanted to make sure you don't wake up alone!"
"That's really sweet of you!"
"It's normal, I look up to you, still."
"I'm sorry about my reaction earlier, I should have told you straight away how flattered I am that a gorgeous guy, and person like you, looks up to me. You are stunning, you did way better than me! I think I should look up to you now!"
"No need. I'm not that pretentious." he smiled and looked away "What happened with your boyfriend?"
"I found out he's been cheating on me!"
"That sucks!"
"Well, now I'm free for you, if you're interested. We're already in bed together."
"Ehm, no hard feelings, Ruben, but, I have boyfriend that I am very fond of, in Paris."
"That's okay"
But it wasn't okay.I couldn't hold it in anymore, I broke into ugly crying and loud sobs. Armand just hugged me and stroked my back until I fell asleep again.
When I woke up again it was already the evening and I was alone. In all possible ways.
"Wow! Good catch!"
"I would say so, mate!" He gave me a thumbs up with a confident, yet humble smile, his eyes almost completely closed and two sets of dimples appearing on his cheeks. Is this hot guy inc. party or what?
"Well, thank you for that, anyway! I guess I owe you one!"
"No worries, it's all good."
I gave him my drink, he wanted to chin my glass but I had to say:
"Oh, no that's not mine, it's my boyfriends Sapphire Bombay gin tonic."
"Oh, sure" his smile froze but his deep green eyes opened big and the corners of his lips eventually fell down in deception.
"I'd better be walking back, now."
"Sure, no problem. Happy New Year blondie!"
"Happy New Year Mister Hunky Man!"
The last made him laugh in a deep ringing voice. I walked away a bit shaky and very puzzled. Jimmy never turned me on this much. As I was approaching the bench I saw him stand up, look at me hatefully, turn his head in disapproval and walk away fast. First I froze in place, not understanding what just happened. I stood there, alone with a gin tonic in my hand thinking about my next move. Since we started living together we would always fight about bullshit, but the worst thing was Jimmy's raging jealousy. The worst thing, because except that kiss with Darren , I never even thought of cheating on him in a year and a half. But that wouldn't do. He was jealous of every one. My friends, family, coworkers, Hunky guy catching me in the middle of the dancefloor. I downed the drink and went running after him. He was already outside with his coat. I was only wearing a T-shirt in a freaking cold early morning of the first of January.
"What the hell, Jimmy?" it was the last downed drink that gave my angry mood free speech.
"What the hell Jimmy? What the hell Ruben, I would say. That's a good one. Did you see yourself tonight? First you kiss Darren for cake sake, than you hit on an underage frenchie model and then all the little princess theater with the guy on the dancefloor. Just in front of my eyes? How am I supposed to feel? Huh, did you think about that? You are so selfish. Everybody will think I'm somekind of a desperate housewife of yours while you go and flirt with the entire club. Happy New Year, slut!"
"Excuse me? First of all, calm the freak down. Like, seriously, you would have been here on time, Darren would never happen, it was a mistake, I expected you..."
"How could you have mistaken us? Did you see him?"
"As a matter of fact, I haven't, I was expecting you and I closed my eyes before I turned around. It was a stupid mistake, I am really sorry!"
"So you basically could have kissed just about anyone who would have tapped your shoulder! That is just fantastic!"
"I'm sorry Jimmy, I didn't mean to. You know I only want you!"
"Well, you'd better, because I can't stand cheaters!"
"Jimmy, I would really never, never, cheat on you!"
"Oh, really? And what about that frenchie and the fireman? And what have you been doing while I was going out. I had time to take my coat and you're here in a T-shirt like a little victim!"
"Jimmy, I know Armand since he was sixteen, I just didn't recognise him. We were just catching up. He's a baby, he has no interest for me!" at this point I realised Gianni and Armand just appeared in the corner of my eye, joining into the crowd turning their heads and ears towards us. I could hear Armand laugh angrily and run away with Gianni running after him.
"Well, you definetly mean something to him!"
"For cock sake Jimmy, it's a long story, but there is absolutely nothing sexual!I swear! Please, forgive me. And that guy on the dancefloor just saved me from falling on my face so I gave him my drink. It was just a thank you. Please, Jimmy, don't be mad at me. Please, don't leave me behind!" at that point all my anger turned into fear of being left behind, of making him angry to the point where he would give up on me after a year and a half of relationship. I thought my completely natural behaviour gave him actual reasons to be rightfully angry at me. I felt that I have made a mistake and asked him for forgiveness.
"Please Jimmy, don't leave without me!"
"Well, hurry up, we're going to Karen's, she's expecting us."
"I'll be right back!"
I immeditely ran in to get my coat, fully anxious about my love life falling apart. As I put my coat on and turned around to leave, I bumped into Mr Hunkyman's chest.
"So sorry!"
"You again?"
"Yeah, not the nicest guy in the world, I know, keep on falling around you." And off I went to join Jimmy.
"And mostly running away from me!"
"It's not you, it's me!" I yelled as I was hastily walking away, already seeing Jimmy observing me and fearing another scene. He just looked at me and started off to Karen's that was just across the bridge from the club.
He wouldn't talk to me at all the way. Longest ten minutes ever! As we got in, he ran off to the bathroom. When I got into the living room to get another drink, the party was very much in the full. I saw a colleague of his heading towards the bathroom. I used to be jealous of that one as Jimmy talked about him all the time, but then he told me the guy was straight, so I was like, whatever, let them talk shit about me.
I got a drink and tried to talk to people but I was too angry. Jimmy and his colleague were gone for almost a half an hour when I needed to go to the bathroom. To my surprise the bathroom door was open. To my bigger surprise Jimmy and his colleague were mmaking out in the corridor next to the bathroom.
"Is this your way of taking rvenge? Hitting on your straight colleague? Please, let off of him, I swear I didn't cheat on you!"
"I never said he was straight!"
"Yes you did, cause I was jealous like fuck and you said: 'you don't have to worry...he's straight'"
"I don't remember saying that!"
"Do you top him or bottom?"
"I, we haven't, what the fuck is the question?"
"How long have you been cheating on me?"
"I haven't, I'm not, it's just..."
"How? Long?"
"For the past four moths! Happy?"
"I'm actually sick!" as I said that, I threw up in their direction. They started screaming in disgust, insult me, no apoligies, just more insults. I would normally kneel and clean, but they didn't deserve me to be even polite.
"You're a piece of shit Jimmy, by the end of tomorrow, you're gone from my flat or I just throw all your things out of the window!"
"You're not serious, where should I go?"
"You should have thought of that when you decided to screw someone else!"
"He actaully screws me, I'm the bottom."
"I thought you were only top!"
"Well, you suck at being a top, so I don't want to bottom for you!"
"You piece of turd, you are so bad at blow jobs that you actually make me last longer, and I'm premature..."
I ran out of the appartment and tried to run down the stairs, totally angry and completely drunk. After on flight of stairs my ankle gave in and I ended up rolling down the second flight and down to Mr Hunky's feet.
He grabbed me and carried me to an appartment that was just one floor down from Karen's. He put me into a bed while I was silently sobbing. He took my shoes off and examined me.
"I'm not abusing you, I'm actually a nurse, I'm trying to see if you hurt yourself!"
"You actually can abuse me, I'm single again!"
"I'm gonna pass, maybe in a few moths, but right now you need to heal in so many ways!"
He brought me water and a pill, turned off the light and let me sleep while he want back to the party.
I must have slept heavily as I woke up on someone's chest. Still drunk from the day before, I just hugged the body I assumed Jimmy's, although I could quickly feel the muscle mass more important than usual. I looked up and saw the sculptural perfection of Armand's face looking sadly down at me. I woke up, in all possible ways. Remembered where and why I was.
"How did you get here?"
"Gianni hooked up with Mr Muscle and I came along, he told me you broke up with your boyfriend, so I wanted to make sure you don't wake up alone!"
"That's really sweet of you!"
"It's normal, I look up to you, still."
"I'm sorry about my reaction earlier, I should have told you straight away how flattered I am that a gorgeous guy, and person like you, looks up to me. You are stunning, you did way better than me! I think I should look up to you now!"
"No need. I'm not that pretentious." he smiled and looked away "What happened with your boyfriend?"
"I found out he's been cheating on me!"
"That sucks!"
"Well, now I'm free for you, if you're interested. We're already in bed together."
"Ehm, no hard feelings, Ruben, but, I have boyfriend that I am very fond of, in Paris."
"That's okay"
But it wasn't okay.I couldn't hold it in anymore, I broke into ugly crying and loud sobs. Armand just hugged me and stroked my back until I fell asleep again.
When I woke up again it was already the evening and I was alone. In all possible ways.
