May 2011
Yesterday, I saw a man on the tube. He made me believe I had the choice and the possibility to find the man of my dreams. Tall, natural, having very large shoulders. I stared at his impressive chest and from time to time got lost in his lovely, clean cut face.
June 2011
That little moment, when you're in the other one's arms and you believe this could last forever. An everlasting moment. To love. 'Aimer!'
1st January 2012
Even by the weak lighting of your cell phone's screen, the corners of your lips facing downwards in a tired smile you are beautiful and the warmth of your body brings me joy.
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"You piss me off when you refuse me for reasons I have no influence over..."
"You make me angry, for my presence alone isn't enough to take away all of your anger..."
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I would like to have a garden where I would plant a tree and watch it grow.
2nd January 2012
I want to have a picture of him in order to touch myself while looking at him. A picture of his chest with his smiling face. Another one of his legs, bare legs.
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I wank to last longer.
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Yesterday night, as I was coming back from his place, I heard "Stairway to heaven". I kept on listening to the song all night long.
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On the tube I read my texts from 12th September 2011, Jacob locked himself out of his apartment. He sent me a message from someone else's phone. He ended up sleeping at my place.
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A guy on the tube, talking to himself:
"One sees all that happens in a mirror."
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Up to date since last angry erasing of messages last spring:
RMS: 1235 SMS
Jacob: 1209 SMS
Cookie (my sister): 197 SMS
After that, it goes under 100
Birdie: 69 (obviously, sexy maniac)
Chick : 48
Victor: 47
Lars and Cinderella, each: 43
Jordan: 33
Lizard: 22
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Berko cupcakes- strawberry&pistachio
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'Le Rugby' closed it's iron curtain, it's 1:45 a.m.
3rd January 2012
I am terribly angry at myself, because my presence alone is not enough to carry away all your pains.
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His need of solitude is an unbearable rejection to me.
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I don't know how to manage him...
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Yellow leather gloves♡♡♡
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It's always pleasant to be called "my little jewel" by Claude Montana on a corner of a street.
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I very much wish to find an actual need to cry!!!
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I love you to an unconcievable extent-I couldn't loose you, I couldn't live without you, I couldn't breathe without having you close to me.
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I despise every second I spend away from you!
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There is something insane about this need of mine to constantly be with him and be loved by him.
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Sitting down at RM's bathroom. Lights are off. The only light is coming through the window from the neighbours across the courtyard. I'm bathing in the sounds from the busy street. Completely in the center of life, but hidden away from it's eyes.
4th January 2012
"Why do gays always go towards the beautiful things? " A.E.
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"Go, see someone and come back to offer me a tomorrow!"
Charlotte Marin, in 'PSY'
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Appreciating the enlacement of a cold wind like a tender and powerful hug.
5th January 2012
The small void metallic sound a coin makes when it falls into the box in a church to allow you to burn a candle. An automated sound permitting you to buy out your sins and calm down your fears.
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Every now and then, I see a guy running in the halls of the tube. I find him attractive in his hurry and I want to tell him I love him. I love him because he is hurrying up in order to meet up with someone.
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"The age gap is not important. We meet a person that wakes our interest. That human is unique, there are no copies of him existing anywhere else in the world, not one that would be five years older or younger. So, you either accept them with their actual age, or you have to look for another original one."
Maxim E. Matkin, in 'Not on the lips'
6th January 2012
Out of context:
"Our love requires to be the only necessary condition for our loved one to feel fulfilled and safe."
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"I am a warm bubble. "
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Metallic lockers instead of a cloakroom
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Sometimes you need to turn on the light or get closer, just to realise the door is open.
February 2012
Who did I try to fool? It is all in my hands, and my hands feel empty without him and empty with him. He is slipping through my fingers. All of his devotion was just my imagination.
14th February 2012, 23:35
It's Valentine's Day.
To get past midnight without telling him I still love him. That I love him forever.
Another day without you...it is pure torture!
31st March 2012, RER
What is the aim of writing?
I want to write! Why? To leave a trace? To auto-psychoanalyse? To inform and wake others up? To feel accomplished...
5th April 2012
"I can choose as long as you decide for me!"
